Getting behind your Word

For years I have said things to myself that I have not done. I've tried to impose militaristic disciplines on myself but that does not work. After a while I realized that 'keeping my word' or 'my word as law' is an intellectual idea to me, not an actual way of being.

In general though, the seamy side of my word-breaking is not visible to others, or so I think. I often do complete things, with a gargantuan last minute effort, which causes me to go out of balance. Lately, I've had a few encounters of missed deadlines and things falling thru the cracks in my web development team. These were big blunders caused by well-meaning people that have caused big losses, to the tune of millions of dollars of lost opportunity and income.

Everything is a mirror, and often it is easier to see things in the mirror of the other than in oneself. But since there is no other, I can actually observe the behavior of those closest to me and I will begin to see all the ways in which I do break my word, or over inflate it, or over promise, or over-extend, or under-deliver, under stand, scrape by with the minimum of adherence required to what I myself have agreed to do-- often the covenant is with no one but myself. The key word is Over and Under. Two extremes, both excessive, a true symptom of the times. So what's a person of integrity to do?

Aha! Look closely at that word integrity. Is it a moral value? That's a slippery thing, of no substance. But what if Integrity is actually a field, an energetic field around you, and whenever you break your word, it causes a little fray, or a rip or a huge gaping tear in the fabric of that field, and therefore in the tensile strength of the force field around you.

Everytime you completely stand behind your word in your actions, the field gets stronger, the mesh finer. Everytime you slip by with an excuse, or say something you don't mean, or make an idle boast, the field gets weaker. The weakness causes you to lean, one way or the other. Lean into defensiveness, lean into rationalizations. Think of a parachute with rips or tears in it. There is not enough air for lift-off.

So don't give your word without thinking of whether you can keep it. This is one instance where the paradox works-- you can give and keep this at the same time.